I thought honeymoon period was supposed to last for 3months.

I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you,
but let me just say I don't wanna love you in no kind of way,
no no I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

okay, i take my words back from the last post.
looking back at my old pictures. i feel like a fat little piglet. >;(
needa gain weight but lose that tummy fats!

.no longer.
cause.im.happy.to.say.i.will.be.there
at.the.end.of.the.road.as.a.friend.



They taught me well (:

It's sucha blend feeling. Now i know why i choose to freedom.

• FOMO (fear of missing out) is that nervous feeling that suggests you're not quite wringing as much outta your life as you should be. And i am suffering from it. :D

• "IF a mans hits you once, he'll hit you again. He WILL hit you again" said Oprah

• IF you make fitting in your highest priority, you run the risk of being exposed as fake. Trying too hard is unacceptable. You cant make everyone like you. There are sure to be someone out there who depises you or are jealous over you. :P

Out there, those who had captured my heart or caught my attention had always a way to keep it that way. I always thought i could change them. It was merely a fling between us. The thing is I cant always babysit them and try changing people i like. Maybe I'm just focusing too much on these people, and sooner or later i would pass off as a despo.

Fun is their middle name, You can have me but you cant buy my trust, you earn it. Too many bad experiences. Once you lose my trust, there's no second chance.

• and Marcus Ong, i dont think of pigs!!!!

• These are days i wake up and look into the mirror and measure my waist and say "shyte i needa start eating"

• I realise i haven seen Sabrina for ages. 2weeks is it?

KELLY get off the damn computer! ;(
what happen to studying?

I hope i wont in the long run.

What's done is done. The many reasons why i hate talking when im sleeping. i bla out stuff without thinking. How sleep deprive can ruin you, you'll never know till you try it.

Like i said i do regret shyte i had done, im not the nicest person. I make people head spin(confusion), i never play feeling, this all feel so dejavu. 'you think i gabbage ah, can pick and throw anytime'. I'm scare.I dont want you to tell me this and with that i decided im not going to take back whatever i said last night.I was never confuse, just insecure. And i dont want to hurt anyone or get hurt.

I can have a face this thick (<<<<<>>>>) just not in this.




p/s anyone going to Perfection today?? can fetch me PLEASE!!? its on the way, i promise you. Sohai friends go on dates and ditch me >;(

Blast the goddamn speaker and make heads turn cause honey we are LOA.

this is my first step to To recovery.
Walking out of the house wasn't easy at all.
i feel the guilt every single second when i wasn't home.
WTF, i hate ghost show.

I like friends who can really make me laugh,
not afraid to be spontaneous, wild,
playful and make me feel good.

And sweetheart, these people gives me the attention. NOT that i dont have any but well, compare to the past, i AM suffering from LOA.

.I miss those times. When it just us and the gang

She's not just another girl.But one with commitment phobia.


For once she wished she had a older brother who offer her security and protection, One who would bash others who bullied her. She heard stories.

I must say earlier this year i wasn't that keen on prom, i dread it thanks to this guy who has no balls/intention to attend MY prom with me. Kononnya don't want to expose us. Fuck him la. All the sneaking around makes me wanna puke. Anyway back to my story, I didn't want to go, really. And I have no intention of asking friends outside school. You know how i don't mix school friends and outside friends. I don't.


plus i don't socialize much with school guys back Then.

shopping in KL with Huiqian! :DD let's do it again sometime!
after Spm DUH!

Krispy kreme! i still prefer Big apple ;(

I <3>


Then before all the prom details was out, i was kidding with Jerry, "eh if i cant find anyone only i go with you since you don't know who to go with also" haha. I assumed i wasn't going as my parents wanted to go Europe. And I DO NOT WANT TO go there on my last year of high school. Hello i got like 2 week break before college starts. >:((

Its a top. trust me.

*yikes!*

Then when all decisions had finalised, I went around telling people i wasn't going. My girls were like "go la, your last year bla bla bla crap" and i was somewhat influenced. Agreed to go, but the question was "GO WITH WHO!?" and the worst crap was i decided on the last day of the couple promo(Rm115). pft, i memang failure.Though Abel prolonged it then. sheesh. ;P


i almost asked Darryl or Marcus. hahah wtf eh they were like the last few choices okay.:P Yet didnt asked, since one got their date already and the other didnt have the GUTS to ask even. (: I almost asked Jason Ong since he's quite close to a few people from our school.

had pretzels! i love the sugar sugar one
and lemonade drink!

Still Jerry asked me later on and i said yes. yada yada. Everyone keep ejeking "climb climb climb" wtf screw them la. i will try to get the highest wedge heels i can find. -.- haha




At first i didn't want to spend more than rm100 on my prom dress even. wtf i damn kiamsiap right? i almost spend Rm200 on the EDC hoody(sigh, i still have my eyes on it ) but cant fork out a small fortune for dress. I think now i am fussing about prom, college, birthdays more than my SPM even. So screwed up. ):



I love the 3/4 pants. It's so damn tight that for once i have a arse. AWESOME. but I went bankrupt that day and it wasnt cheap. :((


Got myself a superb plain maxi dress (at KD) but isn't sure if im wearing it on that day. I think it was quite costly for a plain dress but oh well, preparing for Stephanie Liu's wedding. For that i definitely cant stinge.:P




But i saw another black dress which actually SHINE.
wtf it has sequins all over it.
So GLAMOUROUS looking.

YOU know how i looooveeeeeeeeee shiny stuff and sequins.

Cost Rm300 over. Still considering since i bought the simple yet elegent dress already. Daddy was like "BUY both la! dress can invest.and you papa got the money" wtf sometime daddy's too spendthrift and showoff and i hate it.


*hint hint eh boyfriend(s) get me the biggest diamond ring you can find at Tiffany and i will marry you on the spot!*
haha (:

My toe ring. Bought it at Bonita for a steal of Rm5.90 i think.

POSER!

hahahahahah dont call me gross biatches!
you know you love me. I know i do!

i choose to love those weren't loved by other
i choose the path no other would choose
i choose to love things that people dont
i choose to be different.

Not cause i just want to be different but cause i do really want to see where this route would take me. I'm no follower neither am i a leader. Standing on the fence. Life goes on when you fall or fail.

Strings of bad luck. I need my lucky charm to cheer me up.

it all started when i was drying my hair this morning when my dryer kaput. Oh well, its about time, considering i used it for almost 3 years already. Went to school,Aaron(haha not your fault la) dropped my black ink pen. fine. Tried writing with my NEW red pen, apparently it decided to suicide. Then my blue ball pen(g-soft YEA!) used half way just decided to fail me of all day.



Before going to tuition, i wanted to buy books and then head to Guardian, so i took Rm150. And just before i paid for the books i realise i lost the money. I was like wtf and panicked. Tried finding for half an hour retracting my path before giving up.



Oh did i mention i lost my eraser! >;((
went home wanted to use heat up all my PENS using the STOVE.
Sometime you know when your pen jatuh no more ink you go
heat the tip it can work again so i mai cuba cuba.
Manatahu when i turnturn the knob, it came off,
and i saw "shyte" so loud,
daddy came and give me the "wtf" look and
ask me to not touch any more of his stuff before i damage them.
:(( and with that i got chase to my room. sigh.


sigh,i told myself if i ever find that rm150. I would buy the Guess bag i had adored since forever. Though i have to top up another 150 since its Rm300.


p/s Where's my rainbow!? i thought after the heavy downpour got pretty colourful rainbow! AHHHH which idiot told me this. Going to kill that person.

She's no blondie.

Its sickening when everyone around me keeps telling me i wont score straight A's. It worst when these people are my love ones and supposedly to be motivating me instead they are a bunch of kiasu people. wtf omg get a life okay?


Guys and their fucking ego.And please girls, you aint all saint. I lost count of how many of them who use all sorta ways to drag me off the study table. From telling me they haven started studying to going on dates. Trust me, there are other people out there you got to worry about not ME.




I just hate mixing around with people who bring me down, doesn't make me feel good or demotivate me. They despise me with their narrow minded and for being so low. I think there's a huge difference between being egoistic and confident. Maybe find i'm slightly overly confident. But i think I'm there setting a goal for myself, i know what i want and how to get it. These people, bah. I shall refrain myself for saying mean stuff.

And for that, im going to say whatever i heard and was told the last few days is not going to lower my determination but hell it did sting. Im going to prove them wrong






And my daddy.
He scolded me for telling people about what my expectation
for my Spm result. He said i was too egoistic and
im putting too much unnecessary pressure on myself.
I think by telling others, i feel that i have to score as what i had said
as i have to jaga air muka.


I can never forget the faces my friends gave me when i told them i scored straight for pmr. Boy, it was like "kelly so smart ah?" wtf. Dont give me the shyte bimbo look.Is it my fucking fault that i'm born with the "dumb" word written across my forehead?

*puts on the nerdy spec*
i cant bare to lose this chance.

some words are meant to hurt and these words can never be taken back. I'm hurt. very. It doesn't give one the right to act like that just because he/she had a bad day. Really. Just when i thought i don't care about what others think of me, just you. You're just the same.

***

No ones falls in love by choice it by chance . No one stay in love by chance, it is by work And no one falls out of love by chance it is by choice .
from Hen Yu's post.
*kelly banyak suka!*

Don't mistake nostalgia for leftover love. Love can end, by turning into indifference. The feeling'll pass.

from kenn's post.



"Of all goodbyes, the kind that which hurt the most was the one your ears never heard of, yet your heart knew it's already been said."


"Letting go of someone might be hard, yet it is the best way to make the other stay. Keep in mind that no two things can occupy the same space....at the same time."
from Beatrice's post.

Cotton candy clouds. I like!

Clouds are awesome, I had seen some really nice formation of clouds before. They never fail to amaze me. I used to lay under the tree staying at the sky for hours in MGS since their padang was so often the place we lepak as there were lots of shady trees.

I like the rain too! I love sitting somewhere listening to emo songs and watching the rain go tip tap tip tap hujan dah turun! haha :D i'm a born stoner.

:D ME LIKE!

losing my grip- avril lavigne

Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone You,
you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

Went for a Deepavali open house. i think it was my first time.

There this guy who asked me which school and church i goes to, he claimed i look familiar. He freaking doesn't look familiar at all. First i thought it was some lame pickup line then i realised his mum and my dad are friends so yea possible. :D well i'm sorry i cant remember! hahahhha




p/s i fall in and outta love easily. Currently in love with CHEE ! He's getting a new BLUE SHINY car lah. Can chauffeur me around. hahhah right? my new best friend! wtff :P

please.stop nudging me arsehole.

it makes me feel awkward and conscious when you're walking beside me ;(

Opened my family's James Bond bag months ago when i was applying for a scholarship at Taylors. Looked through lots of my old stuffs.As a kid i didn't achieve much, i wasn't an all star, i wasn't active in sports, i never represented school for anything big except some stupid competitions la, i never was top TOP in the form, i was always in first class and had all the A's yet never was never satisfied or managed to score the results i want.

Look quite fugly in my preschool graduation photo.
wtf, honestly. :(( yes, i was an unhappy kid. :DD
who doesn't smile much but enjoys screaming and biting. (:

I never held any post in my school years, sure i was given lots of chances but being kelly, was just too lazy to bother. Never fancy being the good one, was always a troublemaker. Shy yet Loud.

I guess my childhood wasn't much like most of my friends. I wasn't brought up here all my life. I used to move every few years. It was a nightmare for a kid like me. To lose touch with so many best friends along the way, it's frightening i tell you. One day i woke up and daddy told me we are shifting. I have no shyte idea what the frigging was shift. During that time, they changed all PJ numbers from 7 digits to 8 digits. It sucks balls.I couldn't contact any of my friends and my friends know nuts whether if i had died.



you can say i was quite a smarty pants as a kid. OH LOOK full kedatangan! :DD never will forget the guy who beaten me and snatch my first place hmph! I saw him the other day at the library but i think he forgotten who i'm ;(


The next thing you know i was in a place filled with complete strangers. I was much of a loner as a kid in the new school. Sure i was LOUD, but very selective with friends. YUP. but my life took a huge 360degree when i was in Form1. Young, naive, ignorant as can be, i went for the wrong companions, made wrong decisions, fell for the wrong guy. SO much wrongs i wished i could undone.


was at CAL for 3 years. wtf they didn't give me a freaking cert! If only i can sue them or something. ):



I used to be able to perform CPR okay .Performed it on the little Anne ALL the time. haha (: but it was years ago.

Primary 1 i think

Still, i am glad i turned out quite OK and in one piece. I guess i can consider myself a city girl (yes, Sarah! IPOH is not a ULU place, they DO have malls and TALL buildings, i live in the town -.-) just more exposed and not so pampered.

I stayed at the 'kampung' area in Kuching when i was in kindergarden at one time, there was the 'hand, foot and mouth' disease thingy so mummy dumped me there to so called save my arse! yup, i chased puppies and went scavenging for seashells and played with the prawns which will nibble me in inappropriate places. :DD I used to squeeze the little chicks in my tiny hand till they start screeching :P

Just before i left for KL, they changed it -.-

SKDU. my weight was so screwed up. it was supposed to be 17kg or less .
My lowest BMI was 12.
I was a walking stick when i was young

BMI was barely 12 here.
I still cant believe i used to hate fries. 0.o

Oh, daddy wrote this letter when i first shifted to DU they didn't place me in a good class. ;(( cause i took my mid term exam half way and score shyte on it but they didn't change me still.;((



Sometimes, i get envy when friends have primary gathering with their old classmate cause i know i don't belong anywhere. And it's tough that i barely know anyone all my or their life. I mean yea there are some but they are like acquaintance friends and well they changed over the years. Like i met back some of my old DU primary classmates, still they got their own life and i got mine. My primary friends back in Ipoh don't have much of a gathering considering the secondary school is next to the primary -.- and its a 2hours drive! screw my birthday. wtf. I wanna drive. BUY ME A CAR!!



Yup, my essay thingy for Taylor, the thing is they didn't send me any e-mail whether i got it or not? how annoying and daddy said knowing me i must had wrote the wrong e-mail address. Meanie. Shoulda call.

***

Its when the word love become not just something i would casually say but only when i feel like i want to. I know i use the term love very often, i say i love you to practically everyone. yet I'm not one of those who barely know you and just throw this four letter word on you. I really really do mean it.When i tell this to a friend, i really do love them, i cherish the things they had done and appreciate the fact that they are my friend. So don't think i simply say it to ensure myself in that person's good book.


Friend's love and guy love are so different. If you are my friend, i can go up to you and whack your arse and say i love you and meant it. Whereas if i do like you in a girl boy way, i just don't want to make the word cheap. geddit? like putting it at every smses i sent him. I wont dare to walk up to him and whack his arse, i afraid he would think lowly of me or that I'm easy going(in a simpler term slut) If it's other guys do that, i don't give a damn, cause im just not trying to hit on him. so yea




My whole life, its always been the same old scenario, i like a guy and he doesn't like me,whereas on the other hand the one who likes me i don't like them. You see when i like someone, i tend to try too hard and that makes me just another girl who is crazy over him. But when i don't like a guy, i damn choulou and dont give a shit, i flirt knowing i'm not interested in him, i'm rough, i curse, i abuse, i'm perasan, i could walk up to him and say things and dont give a shyte about the after effect cause he's just a friend who i wouldn't mind letting him see my horrible side.



pft i said as though i hide my bad side in front of guys i like. Yee Peng said that maybe guy i never hit on like me, as they already seen my bad side, how worst can i get? So often my parents condemn how mean and rude i am to my friends.whatever!



To me like and love are two VERY different thing. Love is a BIG word. The word itself could change one's life.Very often people asked me "do i like anyone? or how many people had you liked before?" to be honest, i really cant answer you that. I lost count myself and you know what i probably forgotten more than half of their names.



But love, i can tell you, i honestly had really fell in love once in my life. And boy, was it childish, was it stupid. But oh well, first one is the one we can never forget. It thought me a lot and to be a better lover. I never regretted everything that happened. So, yea if one day i did date any of you guys out there, bare bear in mind, when i said i love you, i really do love you.

It's been so long now.

* picture deleted as Samantha dont like it ;((*

Please, let me score an A for accounts, sigh, fine at least a B.

when i woke up and realised you werent beside me, i felt so empty. I should had listened yet now it's all too late.

Blame the flash and the photographer. Check out my EXISTENT arse! (:
credits to Felix.


Went all the way down to KL and roamed around the streets just to find ourself eating in KFC. crazy i tell you. Took 3hours but its not where i'm that matters its who i'm with. :DD and many thanks to Meiwan and Meitin who asked me out.I swore i could had died of boredom. :D


p/s I'm bleeding. Literally. sigh, stress is doing its work.

whoops she just stepped into a landmine.AGAIN.

I'm not denying it. Not one bit. cause i'm proud of my babe. She got the guts to do things i never had the courage to do. (:

with a friend like you, i don't need enemy.

things i never dreamed of doing as it's against my ethic. And to think i thought the world was a fair place or how often i denied what people often say "that the best man wins". I was such a fool for believing in karma.what a big time bitch. Sure you taught me well how to lie, hurt and use other love's one.And how to see if one was your friend or not.

i will return the favour girl.i will. (:

***

me*kawan

damn arse la you.
kiss me then.
*silent. think think*
wtf! I'm not going to kiss your arse.

p/s lesbian porn does not turn me on! at all. Its so gay. >;(( honestly. So yes, you guys fail totally at trying to increase my libido. wtf. :D i'm sucha failure. Haha.

heard of chocolate oreo mooncakes?

I'm wayyy outdated in all my posts, so some of my pictures might be months ago. Don't mind me. :D When i was young younger , i'm still young. (: I used to get excited whenever i go KL, or watch a midnight show, sleepover, birthday parties. Today, i don't get hyper over these stuff anymore. I don't take hours to decide what to wear, i don't make plans weeks ahead, i don't make timetable for my holiday planning anymore(i use my mobile reminder).

It gets so boring these days. I want to do something different yet exciting. Yes if I'm not mistaken i got 3 for my structure something in personality test. I cant stand the same routine over and over. I get tired of doing the same stuff. I get bored of being nice or pissed all the time, bet that explains my mood swings.



My parents once tell me to not get married but live in with my bf in future so that i don't get bored of him. haha makes perfect sense. :D i need someone who will pissed me off at times and makes us more interesting. geddit? i ♥ arguments wtf. haha makes life less boring.

Kai hua? open flower? -.-

I never gotten a real bouquet of flowers from a guy before. One stalk got la. haha maybe next valentine i should torture my friends by forcing them to sent me one.WOI you all getting the hint or not! (:

***

anyway this post is supposedly to be about my pathetic boring mooncake festival. D: yeap, the last 3 years i never got invited once to any mooncake celebration ever since i came here. No idea why, really. ;(( *hinting for next year* haha

I spent this year sleeping in. Slept a good 3hours. Imma sucha pighead. ;( and i rarely eat mooncakes.They are so heaty and i get jelak of them pretty fast. My family get tons of them every year and never buy any. We had like almost 30 mooncakes this year. 0.0 and my dad gave away half of them and pass off as his. damn terrible right? but he said he bet most of his friends did the same. Oh well, it did makes some sense. :P

the home made mooncakes.

cute, much?

p/s I think the Starbuck's mooncake isnt so bad but not that original lah, it's like KFC selling chicken rice. (:

i suddenly miss Simone the tomyam soooo much. >;(( we used to play masak masak with candles in form1 and chomp on mooncake jellies. Childish yes? anyway Parvin was the farnee one. She invited all of us to play candle at her house in grade 6 and i remembered someone got their hair burned or was it skirt?

nostalgia feeling filling me. How i missed the sleepovers. (: